Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Who am I?-Part 2 (Back to school)

Yesterdaywe left our main character (me) married with a new dream, to be a “perfect housewife.” I had my five year plan mapped out. I would get a job, work for a few years, start a family, and become a stay at home mom. Eventually, once the kids were back in school, I would go back to work or something. I didn’t know what I would do after that, but I had years to figure it out. About a month after our wedding I found a job as a receptionist at a blueprint company in downtown Kansas City. I hated it. A good telephone voice can only get you so far, beyond that, I had zero administrative skills. I would relay a phone call to a print order, make sure the order got filled, create a bill, and send the driver to deliver it. It was stressful for me, and it took longer than it should to get the hang of it. After three months I was ready to search for a new job. That was when Chris got laid off from his first job post graduation. My plans of job hunting were put on hold to be the main bread winner. Using our savings, we made our ends meet each month, and three months later Chris found temporary work that lasted him for a year. It was a good thing he did, because in June 2010 I was let go from my job.
By this point in my life I had allowed my dreams of being a band director go out the window. Now my five year plan was getting pushed back even further. I was not in a very happy place, and I felt like my life had no purpose. I wasn’t a good receptionist, and my only major job skill was in fast food, and I refused to go make blizzards again. I worked the Christmas season at Target, but there wasn’t enough room for me to stay on full time afterward. I was beginning to miss music again, and was even entertaining thoughts of going back to school. It was then that I finally admitted to my past laziness, but after a little research I realized how much work it would take to go back. I decided it wasn’t an option, I wanted a family.

I resolved myself to the fact that I would be stuck going from job to job, doing things that didn’t make me truly happy. My lack of happiness led to over-eating and under-exercising, and my weight reached over 400lbs. It was a sad time for me and I was only twenty-three. While I was job hunting, my friend mentioned nannying. That Summer I was a nanny for a family with four kids. I loved it, but at the end of the summer, the kids went back to school, and I was again unemployed. The back to school thought came back, and yet again I suppressed it.

I have illustrated my life as somewhat dark and unhappy, but that isn’t completely accurate. Through joblessness and money woes, Chris and I were able to strengthen our marriage. We learned that nothing in our life is completely under our control, and together we needed to rely on God. We have great friends and family, and despite my jobless woes, life was good. After my summer job as a nanny ended, I started to come back to life. My weight was becoming a burden, and my wedding ring no longer fit. I had spent years losing 20 or 30lbs, realize how much more I have to lose and then balloon back to the weight I was and more. The amount of weight I had to lose was a daunting 200lbs. In November 2011, I started looking into the vertical sleeve gastrectomy. After my surgery, my I started my current nanny job taking care of three kids, and I love it. 

Jeremiah 29:11

You ever have something keep popping up? It could be a song that means something, or a word. For me it was Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (NIV) It had been popping up everywhere in 2012. It would be in a sermon, a book, or a tweet by Tim Tebow. Just when I thought it had gone away, it would be the verse of the day when I would watch Veggie Tales with the kids. While it is kind of nice to know that God has plans and knows them, it is also frustrating that he wasn’t sharing them with me. This verse kept popping up and it wasn’t till October that I finally began to understand why. I remember sitting in the living room at work while the kids played, and the back to school thoughts came creeping back. I threw my usual excuses at it. “It’ll take too long, I can’t afford it, Chris will never go for it.” This time, however, I was fighting them. It had taken almost no time for me to be convinced that I should do it. I texted Chris my thoughts and he responded with a “Go for it!” By the end of the month I had applied to UCM, been accepted, and signed up for 14 credit hours online for Spring 2013.

My first semester back I got a 4.0 and was on the dean’s list. It was a very good feeling to see my hard work come together with good results. In two weeks I start my Fall semester on campus. I will be commuting from Lees Summit everyday and once again become a member of the Marching Mules. I am excited, yet nervous, but failing is not an option, and hopefully by 2016 I will have a diploma hanging on my wall and a job as a band director.

Wrap it Up

Why did I decide to tell you a long drawn out story of the past seven years?
For one, I am excited about going back, and wanted to share that. Secondly, I went a majority of the past seven years feeling like I didn’t deserve a second chance. I blew it in school once, what’s to say I won’t do it again? There are lots of people like me who think that they are too fat or too dumb. They feel like they’ve used up all of their chances at being happy, and now they just need to suffer through. That isn’t the case. Jeremiah 29:11 serves as a constant reminder to me that God has plans for a great and hopeful future for me. If he can have these plans for me, why can’t I? I could work as a nanny or a babysitter for the rest of my life, and I would probably be happy. But in twenty years when I’m looking back at my life, I don’t want to regret not taking the chance to fulfill the dreams I’ve had since I was that crazy band geek in high school.

1 comment:

  1. You are a talented, beautiful, inspiring friend! I'm so proud of your accomplishments and thankful to ha e you!